Summertime Slump

I’ve taken a month off from writing, not a planned hiatus.  I’ve missed Farrier’s Week and the Chincoteague Pony Swim.  I’ve had a lot of fun at recent events, more progress is being done at my farm.  I’ve checked off some bucket list things.

I have been busy; I can blame it on that alone if I wanted to.

The reality, however, is darker, and I will only cover a brief bit and we’ll move on.

“Humans don’t mind hardship, in fact they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.”

― Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging

When I began The Green Horseman I was writing for myself but also for all of you who love horses.  Mainly for people who are learning about them, who might be starting their journey in the horse world.  I combine my own life experiences with research and other case studies.  By doing this I put a lot of my life and soul out there for all to see.

It began with a lot of great feedback and it kept me going.  It feels good to write off the cuff and typically I post the raw material with very little editing.  You get ME for who I am.

With the changes in lifestyle and other personal factors I’ve been feeling very down.  Unnecessary.  Like I’m disappearing.  I’ve been struggling with self-worth, finding it hard to even get up and do the things I enjoy.

I haven’t had the motivation to write; mostly out of avoidance.  Lately everybody wants to give an opinion or advice without having all of the facts.  Although I expect it being a blogger I also haven’t been in the state of mind to deal with other people’s egos.  The internet is flooded with negativity so as a personal rule I try not to contribute to it.

Sometimes that isn’t so easy.

I tell you this not for sympathy but to give you insight on the real me.  Depression isn’t new for me but it’s been a rough go lately.  I’ve had a lot of ups and downs.  I’ve been second guessing everything I do.  I don’t have many super close friends and family has only contributed to the issue.  I have some great friends but I’m not the kind of person that reaches out during these times.  I’m more of an introvert so it’s always been up to me to get myself right.

That said, my boo-hoos (what you’re going to get, anyway) are out of the way.  I’m going to begin getting back on here again so look for the usual Thursday posts.

I’ll leave you for now, but I look forward to filling you in on the new goings on at the farm.  The good…and the not so good.

Some things to look forward to:

  • Updates on the property
  • Updates on the horses
  • Updates on my new mounted archery adventure
  • New bucket list experiences

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6 Comments

  1. Depression is real and I too have been dealing with it for 20 years now. It’s a taboo subject and people are afraid to say they are suffering from it.
    But, with good therapy and sometimes some drugs it can really help. It did for me and I am not ashamed to say so. ❤️ You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support! I’m glad that you’re finding peace and hope that your good days outweigh the bad. It truly is a taboo subject…those who don’t understand us think we’re just sad. They don’t realize that you can have great days and still suffer from deep chronic depression.

      I’ve been rather stubborn about treatment. I’m not willing to turn to meds for this…and the combination of stubbornness cheapness and that dread the comes with depression keeps me from finding a therapist. I know one day counseling will be my best option but until then I go through my phases.

      Like

  2. I can totally relate to ur article today. Thanks for writing so openly and honestly! I think many people, like u and I, also feel this way! I love what u do and the articles u write. Glad ur back! Keep being u!!💖

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Depression is a very tough hole to dig out of. I suffered from it in my twenties. I felt like I was at the bottom of a dark well and the sky was only a tiny blip of light above me. Too far to climb out. The walls of the well were so dark and slippery. So I feel for you. I did go for therapy later in my life and it helped me to recognize the “black hole’ triggers and keep myself from getting too far down that hole. All the best ot you. Try to carry on with blogging if you can.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Anne! I always enjoy hearing from you. I believe my depression began as far back as middle school. I’ve been in and out of that well many times. Weight loss and body image shifts have a lot to do with it, and I’m guessing it’s more than just the weight (the hormones and proper biochemical processes). One powerful thing that has helped me is watching The Secret. It’s a great book/movie.

      Hearing from you helps a lot. Thank you

      Like

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