This year has been….surreal.
I won’t say that it was terrible, it could have been worse. It was difficult as hell, but here we are saying goodbye 2023 and hello to 2024. As always it seems appropriate to look back and reflect on the highlights.
My birthday is towards the end of January. I got a call from my dad wishing me a happy birthday. During our conversation he mentioned that he has a doctor’s appointment to get scoped because he was having trouble eating and pain.
The next few weeks were a blur. The scope revealed a mass…. esophageal cancer. My dad lives 8 hours away. I didn’t know what to do. Luckily we have some amazing family that live near him who were able to take him to appointments and work on the treatment plan with his doctors.
In the beginning of March dad began a 6 week round of radiation 5 days a week with simultaneous chemo treatments once per week. I visited for a week to help with whatever he needed. It was an aggressive treatment for an aggressive cancer. By this point even liquids were becoming difficult. It wasn’t easy on him at all but he got through the treatments. The doctors gave him approximately 8 weeks for his body to recover.
In July I met dad in Boston where he went in for surgery. The world-renowned team at Boston performed an esophagectomy to remove tissues that could still be affected by the cancer. He spent five days in the hospital, and I drove him home to recoup. The nurses had told us that a mere 5 years ago this surgery was a 1 month hospital stay. It made me truly appreciate the advances we’ve made in the medical field.
A few months later dad had another scan performed and it still showed zero signs of cancer. He’s been going to the gym, eating, and getting stronger every day. This man fought a different unrelated cancer 28 years ago when I was very young. I thank God daily for looking out for him and for making him so dang tough.
While all of this was happening, I was in NY still, I still had a business to run, work, and horses that relied on my being present to care for them. Aside from my few visits to Maine I tried to keep myself busy. My brain isn’t always the best place to live. So I dove into riding.
In June I had the opportunity to take Stanley to a schooling horse trials. It was the busiest of the shows we’ve been to. I didn’t expect great scores but I was thinking it would be excellent exposure to cross country and more time off property; I really wanted to get him through a water complex. My nerves got the better of me. We had a tense dressage test and got through stadium with one rail down (my fault for still being tense and holding him back). We went straight out to XC and trotted out of the start box. He popped over the first log and relaxed. We cantered up to the second log and popped over that. We were both so happy as we approached the hill that I let him gallop. When I asked to bring him back he was still out partying. The hill turned downward very fast and surprised him so he slammed on the brakes. Our momentum overtook me and down I came. I tried to land on my feet going downhill off a gallop/halt transition. Something snapped. The volunteer called for a cart to help me back to the trailer but never showed up so I marched a half mile back with my pride in pieces and doing my best not to cry in public.
I tried giving it a few days. I rested iced and elevated. I used crutches for a bit. It was only slightly improving but it was improving. I’ve been to urgent care so many times and paid hundreds for them to tell me it’s a sprain, go home and rest.
In July I went to Boston to be with my dad. I brought him home to Maine and stayed with him a few more days. While there I decided after walking on it for three weeks it wasn’t better ENOUGH, so I called a specialist. They got me in the following Monday. The injury was subtle, he said, and it’s often missed (probably would have been missed if I want to Urgent Care). My Lisfranc injury required surgery to fix and a long recovery. I had surgery July 24th; three screws were placed in the bones of my foot to stabilize the area after a full tear to my tendon. For 15 weeks I had screws and finally in October had them removed.
We also suffered some losses. We lost Sassy Pants Pony to what we think was some severe colic episode. (Updates From Home)
We lost Kain, my once in a lifetime cat. My faithful shadow. He was my heart and soul. He had oral cancer. (Across the Rainbow Bridge)
We lost a barn cat, Arnie. He was among the legendary barn cats. Not a single mean bone in his body (except for prey). We believe Stanley accidentally stepped/kicked/whacked him in the night as he was found in that field with his back end paralyzed. He wasn’t afraid of anything and always assumed people and horses would go around him. (Honoring Arnie)
We also lost a hen at home. We don’t know why, but she seemed aged and just laid down one day and departed.
Recently we also lost a horse at the farm. The farm owner’s horse, Sis. She was an aged Tennessee Walker and a sweet old lady. She took care of her rider. In the last few years she’s had a tough time with dropped pasterns, Cushing’s, and a few other health concerns not helped by the Cushing’s. She was incredibly loved and well cared for; she will be missed.
Despite everything 2023 wasn’t entirely bad.
I got to ride Stanley and take him places! We went to clinics, schooling shows, and trail rode. (Stanley Braves the World, Stressage and Stanley)
That’s a fantastic start! We even rode with BOYD MARTIN! (Horse Shows and BOYD MARTIN!)
I volunteered as a jump judge for the first time at GMHA in June. (Putting My Words into Action)
I had the opportunity to audit the Tik Maynard/Sinead Halpin clinic held at Thunder Crest Performance Horses in June. I learned SO much during that clinic. (Two Days with Tik and Sinead)
In August Suzanne and I went to Connecticut with Tiger and she rode with Elisa Wallace. While there we met two amazing women who’ve become two close and amazing friends.(Recovery)
At the end of August Suzanne and I went back to Connecticut for Town Hill Horse Trials where we saw our friends again. Tiger did incredibly well and they cruised around the cross-country course like pros. (Peggin’ It In Connecticut)
In September Larkin Hill Horse Trials proceeded and Suzanne and Tiger took home 2nd place as well as Tip Champions. This qualified the pair for next year’s championships. (Heel Hopping and Horse trials)
While I was recovering from my surgery I authored two books. One is a puzzle book, and the other is a 2024 journal and planner. (Published and Ready!)
In October we left my house around 4am destined for Maryland. We attended out first ever 5* event (as spectators). We got together once again with our friends from the August clinic. We had the time of our life. We had drinks with world class riders, watched world class riding, walked the intimidating cross-country course. Our minds were BLOWN and we can’t wait until next year, the hotel’s already booked. (Five Star Virgin, Maryland Day 2, Cross Country Day at Maryland 5*, Sticks in the Sandbox)
I had a second opportunity to learn from Boyd Martin as jump crew in November. Within the same two-week span I had a chance to also learn from Beth Baumert and meet Andrea Waldo. (When You’re Green You’re Growing)
As humans we are biologically hard-wired to remember negative experiences. Evolutionarily speaking it was to help us recall threats to our survival. I could easily hide behind this biological excuse and say it was a horrible year, but you know I won’t.
It was challenging. But I have my dad, and he is cancer free. That is the BIGGEST win of this year.
My injury could have been far worse.
I have many loving memories with those we loss…though I still find myself surprised by a wave of grief and crying for Kain regularly.
I learned. I grew. I experienced life. To be able to say all of that is truly a gift. I’ve considered myself an optimist and regularly say that being grateful is everything. This year I’ve had to dig deep and learn how to be grateful even during the hard times. It wasn’t always pretty but it was real.
I don’t plan to change the routine much in the coming year. Remembering to be grateful…to support my family and friends…to give back to the community….to ask for help when I need it….and to have more patience.
Stanley and I plan to have many outings but with no pressure; and he will tell me when he’s ready for more stimulating environments. I’m in no hurry. We just need to go do the things.
Reflecting back on to you dear readers! How was your 2023? Do you have any big plans for 2024? What excites you?
If you have a similar 2023 reflection post to share please link it in the comments! I’d love to catch up on what you’re doing!
The Green Horseman 
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