“I think about all the people I know who are always so busy “doing something.” They have so many things going on in their life the need to be ‘doing something about them’ all the time. I wonder if they are people who never felt they were ‘enough’ unless they were doing or accomplishing something. (I think of them as ‘Human Doings’ as opposed to ‘Human Beings’.)”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
Happy 2026! I am earnestly reading every book I can when I have time, and I’ve been slightly backed up by the end of the year. I am back with this wonderful book written by Tim Hayes called Horses and Humans and Love: Powerful Lesson from the Herd-Compassion, Self-Worth, True Partnering, Heartfelt Parenting.
You can get your copy directly here at Trafalgar Square books!
I picked this book up last spring, very shortly after I rode in a Working Equitation clinic with his wife, Stephanie. It was originally published in February 2025 by Trafalgar Square books. It contains 200 pages spread out through 15 thoughtful chapters, an introduction and several final sections.
“If you’re not getting what you want, you’re the one who needs to change-either what you’re doing or who you’re being. True for horses…true for humans.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
Tim Hayes begins us with his story; he explains his background. How he got into horses and how he found himself in them.
I am on the back half of my thirties so I don’t consider myself young by any means but I was taken aback momentarily to learn that this man…accomplished in horsemanship and having trained with renowned horsemen and women…rode his first horse at the age of forty-seven. He had already lived a successful life and then some before he found horses.
If you’re already into horses, you’ll understand how impressive that is. To not only learn later in life but excel in it.
If you’re not into horses yet but fear it…don’t. Welcome! You absolutely CAN start in horses and you absolutely CAN do remarkable things with them. It’s never too late to start.
Tim Hayes was raised by a typical loving family with three brothers. His upbringing was not unlike many others. In fact, he was raised less than an hour from my own home! He grew up and found success in the entertainment (film/television) industry and had a very good career for decades. He took a trip out west to Montana and had a few experiences to “get his feet wet.” He found himself putting his feet in cowboy boots and making that trip several more times.
“Having a relationship with a horse can actually begin one of the most important journeys of a person’s life.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
Tim was dedicated to learning more. He realized it wasn’t as easy as it seems and he was drawn to horses much like each one of us are. In the first few chapters we follow his journey. From the humbling moment riding Smokey to training with renowned horsemen. Tim developed himself and grew his knowledge hungry to know more about horses.
Tim ended up teaching a few college courses for his alma mater, the University of Vermont. He helped students develop knowledge about horse and human relationships. He taught lessons at a farm called Chelsea Equestrian Center in downstate NY. He led trail rides at Deep Hollow Ranch in Montauk, NY. He was unafraid to try to things and take on daunting roles.
The more Tim learned about horses the more he learned about himself. Learning about horses helped reshape his whole world and the way he understood love.
Tim redefined what he knows to be love through his observations of horses.
“Acceptance, Tolerance, Patience, Understanding, Kindness, Honesty, Trust, Respect, Forgiveness, and Compassion. Taken together, these constitute what I have come to believe is the universal or true altruistic meaning of what we call love.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
About halfway through the book we begin to shift gears and explore the different relationships we typically associate with love.
Humans Healing Humans
Parenting.
Romantic Partnerships.
“When you keep criticizing your kids…they don’t stop loving you…they stop loving themselves.”
― Anonymous and quoted by Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
I was moved by these chapters. Particularly the parenting chapter. In the parenting chapter he explained how we are unintentionally wounded by our own upbringing which can in turn affect our ability to love ourselves and others…and our ability to parent. Our own parents carry their own childhood wounds that affect their own relationships and how they parented us. The cycle continues. While I felt it true for years I have never read anything that described it so well. What is also amazing is that we can name this and we can heal from it and break the cycle.
“I also know that both my mother and father had their own untreated childhood wounds, of which they were both unaware. Regrettably, this left a void in their parenting ability, and they were unfortunately unable to raise me with sufficient feelings of self-love and self-worth.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
One particular chapter began with a first-hand account of the events of 9-11-2001. I cannot FATHOM having witnessed this horror in person. The description and recollection of what he lived through gave me a palpable sense of panic, horror, and grief. I took a moment and had a good cry.
“One of the most definitive explanations of why AA has been so successful with so many is expressed in its greeting of welcome to newcomers: ‘Let us love you until you can love yourself’.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
I finished this book with such a sense of gratitude for having read it. I found myself reading passages to by boyfriend, to my best friend, I shared a quote from the book in a comment on a friend’s post and several people responded in kind…I shared with them where to purchase the book for themselves. I’ve gifted the book to others.
“To have a successful marriage or romantic relationship that is drama-free, you usually have had to resolve any unsettled negative issues with your mother or father, even if they have already passed. If not, every time you’re having an upset with your significant other, you will often be unconsciously super-imposing your mother or father onto your partner in your response.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
I was extremely saddened to learn of Tim’s passing in August 2025, only months after this book was released. My deepest condolences to his wife Stephanie and to his family and friends. I wish I had a chance to meet this man, I think he had a lot to teach this world. He did so many things and changed so many lives. We can be grateful that he has left us his wisdom in this book…and I have also picked up his first book “Riding Home: The Power of Horses to Heal”.
“Natural horsemanship taught me that a successful relationship with a horse required three mandatory elements in order to work: Love, trust, and respect. This is also true for humans. You can love and respect your wife, but if you don’t completely trust her, your marriage will not work. Tou can love and trust your horse, but if you do not respect his individuality, your relationship will most likely be frustrating and might even be unsafe.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
Final Word:
Horses, Humans, and Love: Powerful Lessons from the Herd-Compassion, Self-Worth, True Partnering, Heartfelt Parenting written by Tim Hayes was a phenomenal read. If you look at social media or watch the news or simply talk to your colleagues, you’ll notice the hurt in people’s lives. I can look at the bad behavior of others and often not associate myself with it…furthermore I can start to recognize their pain driving their behavior.
I think that Tim really hit the nail on the head with his new definition of love.
This book is suitable for everyone. You do not need to own horses, ride horses, work with horses. You do not need to live and breathe horses. Horses were the catalyst that helped Tim Hayes discover himself and love as it should be. This book helps to dissect his experiences, what he’s learned, and how it can be applied for anyone. We are SO LUCKY to have horses in our lives to live this firsthand.
“If you don’t know that you, your beliefs, your attitude, or your behavior is the problem, then you need someone or something to show that to you. To change, you must see it, hear it, and accept it with one hundred percent certainty without feeing judged, criticized, or shamed. Amazingly this occurs when one interacts with a horse.”
― Tim Hayes: Horses and Humans and Love
I also want to add that I buy most of my horse books from Trafalgar Square Books. I’m excited to say that I am an affiliate with the publisher. This happens to be one of such books. You can find your copy through my affiliate link here, it’ll let TSB know I sent you!
Published by Trafalgar Square Books, an imprint of the Stable Book Group
32 Court Street Suite 2109 Brooklyn, NY 11201
If you have any questions, comments, or would like further information, please contact:
trafalgar@stablebookgroup.com
The Green Horseman 
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