It’s incredibly difficult to look back at my year and see anything good. Being an optimist was never my default setting but over the years I’ve worked VERY VERY hard to develop the optimism, resilience, and hopeful attitude I have today.
Q1:
BAD: In December of 2024 our family lost Zac’s grandmother….just 10 days before Christmas.
BAD: My father spent Christmas in the hospital.
GOOD: In the winter months I began setting up obstacle courses every other Monday night. I would arrange 4 or 5 stations and invite any of our boarders to come play. We mainly did working equitation obstacles.
BAD: I was also given a ticket in the beginning of the year for running a stop sign. I was in a very unusual area, there were 3 cars who didn’t stop before me, one way signs everywhere, I was disoriented and the cars parked on the side of the road blocked my view of the stop sign altogether. I had no idea it was there until it was too late. I don’t normally add these piddly details to my list but I couldn’t catch a break this year.
GOOD: One of my friends is a talented artist. She was commissioned by Pam, (who is like my second mom, my “Horsey” mom) to create a masterpiece. We had a wonderful lunch at a local cafe and they gave me this handmade work of art. It was a stunning portrait of my four horses Blade, Tiger, Nahe, and Stanley.
GOOD: For ENYDCTA I helped work as an organizer to host three winter clinics at our local favorite retailer, Dover. The January talk focused on saddle fitting, February’s talk was about rider fitness in and out of the saddle, and March’s discussion was aimed at kissing spine. We had a good turnout and learned a lot.
BAD: In January we lost my cousin very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was my age. He was funny and kind, and we understood each other no matter how often nor how seldom we talked.
GOOD: I brought Stanley to Larkin Hill in March for a working equitation clinic with Stephanie Hayes. It was a great opportunity to get him out into the world but also learning something completely new.
BAD: Suzie also had to say goodbye to not one but two of her long term best friends. First Jade in February and Forrest in March. Jade and Forrest were the welcoming crew at the farm. Jade was a hound mix and Forrest a Cavalier both were in their mid teens. They ruled the roost for over a decade and the whole farm grieved for them.
GOOD: I was introduced to Hot Bikram Yoga. We first had a private group session with several of the women at our farm. I didn’t love it at first. I tried it again and was impressed with how I felt after. The movements had already become easier to do and when I couldn’t keep going I laid down and sweat.
BAD: In March we said goodbye to Miss Shadow Babies, our older black cat. She was feisty and full of attitude, but she was affectionate and sweet, too. She suffered from hyperthyroidism, and the topical cream gave her a couple extra years, but she was beginning to age fast and it seemed her kidneys were failing. The day I found her she had gone to the closet to die. I opened the door, and she gave me a harsh meow like “Leave me alone.” I couldn’t. I picked her frail body up, sat on the floor, held her in my arms and sobbed. She wanted to be done. We called the vet to help her cross the rainbow bridge peacefully.
GOOD: I bought Zac tickets to see Gabriel Iglesias for Christmas. In March we attended the show in Albany, NY. We have loved Gabriel for years so it was wonderful to finally see him and Martin live in person.
Q2:
GOOD: In April Zac and I went to a concert. Trapt was playing an acoustic set at a venue in Saratoga, NY. We bought tickets for reserved seating. When we arrived the tables were arranged banquets style and we were served dinner before and during the show. It was such a unique concert experience.
GOOD: In May I organized and rode in a clinic with Jessica Ven Eyck. It was a way to get my mind off of the looming horrors in my life and gave me something else to focus on in the middle of a nightmare. The clinic went well, and I am lucky to have the friends and co-organizers to have helped.
BAD: My father continued to struggle with his failing health. I visited him several times from January to May. As things progressed it was apparent he needed help 24/7. The family there could only do so much so the majority of it was on my shoulders. At his stage I refused to let a stranger be the face he saw. He wasn’t always coherent, confused easily, and slept a lot. I couldn’t imagine him waking up and finding someone he didn’t know. We lost him on May 9th, in the comfort of his own home; I held his right hand, his sister held his left, and his niece stayed by his side. He left the world giving it the middle finger.
GOOD: In June Stanley and I traveled to northeastern Vermont to participate in adult eventing camp. We rode twice a day all week and I conquered some demons.
BAD: On one of my trips to Maine I intended to bring the truck, but a few days before the trip it began to leak diesel.
GOOD: Luckily Zac was able to fix it relatively cheap on his own. A return line had corroded out and from my understanding it was an easy fix and the part came in overnight.
GOOD: I photographed the Tik and Sinead clinic at Graphite Hill Farm and officially began using the photography website as intended to sell the images. I was also invited to have dinner with the group one of the evenings and it really made me feel special.
GOOD: Mid-June I had a chance to audit Jec Ballou in a two day clinic at a stunning local farm. I really appreciated seeing her insights and how she responded to each riding pair as they presented. She noticed the horse’s weaknesses and tailored the lesson to help strengthen those areas. Jec has authored several books, most recently being The Sunday Review: 33 Strength and Fitness Workouts for Horses
BAD: In June (Same day as the Jec Ballou Clinic) Stanley pulled a muscle and needed to take a month off of work.
GOOD: We adopted a puppy! Kolur is an Icelandic Sheepdog, just like Bardi. He has grown to be an incredible addition to our family and adds youth and vigor to our home. He keeps Bardi on his toes!
BAD: In the same week I backed my car up and wrenched the driver door open on my horse trailer. It was an idiotic move to back up with the door open but I had done it millions of times before when I only needed to move a couple feet. Clearly the stress was getting to me by then.
GOOD: Zac came home from his work trip and banged the door into place. It whistles when I drive but it closes easily and doesn’t leak. You wouldn’t be able to tell anything happened by looking at it now.
BAD: Zac travels for work periodically. The day he left for one of those trips my car flashed with three warning lights.
GOOD: With some investigation I brought it into my shop and they tried to change the oil. Luckily that seemed to fix the problem despite the oil having been done a month earlier. Now months later I can confirm that was the problem but it means that whoever had “done” the oil before this definitely duped me.
GOOD: I competed in a few horse shows…the first being a three month series called Cheery Acres Virtual Horse Show. Yes it’s virtual! I began showing Stanley in classical dressage at the training level. I completed all three in the series and earned a Championship in the series division. The rosettes are beautiful! I attended a schooling show at Larkin Hill in May as well. In June I attended a schooling show held by ENYDCTA at Winterwood Farm. I not only rode a training test in my first ever large arena but I also rode in our first time back combined test at the starter level.
Q3
BAD: In July my mom was in an accident while on a bicycle ride with her cycling group. Her bike hit a blemish in the road and lost control. The bike swerved into oncoming traffic on a busy 55mph road. Traveling one direction at 22mph, her shoulder took out the side mirror of a car traveling 55mph in the other direction. Her head shattered the window of the driver’s door. She was driven to the urgent care where she was supposed to be air-lifted to the hospital. Before take-off the chopper flashed warning lights and she had to instead be transported by ambulance. We waited for hours to see her, expecting the worst. The doctor informed us that she had a minor brain bleed and a very obviously broken finger. We kept asking what else. None of the doctors mentioned other broken bones or further damage. No internal bleeding. We were incredulous.
GOOD: My mom survived an accident that should have taken her life. We are SO LUCKY that she is still here in one piece. The brain bleed was so minor the neurologist did not find need to re-image. We are so lucky that the helicopter couldn’t take off, as brain bleeds should not be flown due to the pressure. We have angels watching over us for sure.
BAD: While I was in the hospital with mom I learned that we lost my neighbor and hay guy. We was a sweet old man who had survived a horrific tractor fire a few years ago; back then he beat the odds of survival when they said only 5% survive with the severity of burns he had. I loved visiting with him when I picked up hay, he always had a cinnamon stick in his mouth, a Werther’s Candy, some funny story to share and I greeted him with open arms.
GOOD: Zac and I got out of town for a couple of nights. We attended a friend’s wedding and found time for just us as we explored the coast of New Hampshire. It was a needed and long overdue time to get away and reconnect with ourselves and each other.
BAD: Later in July, Stanley presented with a corneal ulcer. After 10 days of aggressive home treatment he was rushed to Rhinebeck Equine Hospital. One $2500 night there helped us learn he needed surgery that couldn’t be done there so he was then rushed Friday night with a new buddy presenting with the same issue to Cornell University. On Tuesday he had general anesthesia and his ophthalmologist removed as fungal plaque from his eye. She placed two grafts and we hoped for the best. Over the next 4 weeks Stanley was watched carefully by his ophthalmologist and the amazing team at Cornell. He finally came home September 2nd.
GOOD: In September I had a chance to do another photography gig for the Tik Maynard clinic and once again used my photography website for selling images.
BAD: Later in September the owner of our farm (where I board) passed away. I met Cliff when I was just a teenager. He visited the farm where I rode and a few of us went to see his farm as the new “red” barn was being built. I even got to ride one of his horses back then. Twelve years later I was bringing my own horse Blade to the very same farm. It’s where I became a better horse mom, a better horseperson, and it’s where I met my best friend and the barn family I’m lucky to have today. Cliff was salty but he had a good heart and his farm was his pride and joy. We are lucky to call the farm our home.
GOOD: We had a phenomenal trip to Maryland so Suzanne and Tiger could compete in the Waredaca Classic Three-Day Event.
BAD: Throughout the year we also lost horses. Taco was a one-eyed thoroughbred that boarded in my barn. He was sweet as he could be and got along with anyone. He was only 15 when a sever colic claimed him. He won over $191,000 and was an AP Indy grandson. We lost Cliff’s final horse Cash, a spotted Tennessee Walker. Despite being on hay and a ration balancer and having a very healthy lifestyle he foundered and after every effort was made to keep him comfortable they made the difficult decision to let him go. We also recently lost another horse at the farm to late stage DSLD. He was only 12 years old but he body just couldn’t keep up; his owner did everything to keep him comfortable until he told her it was time.
GOOD: We have been very fortunate to have Andrea Waldo clinics last September and this September. In addition to the clinics we have been able to host her once monthly for lesson days. Five or six of our boarders will sign up and ride on these afternoons and it’s led to some tremendous growth.
BAD: Throughout the summer and fall I was working with a real estate agent to sell my father’s home. Keeping it made no sense unfortunately. We had it under contract when the bank denied the buyer’s loan only two days before closing. We relisted and finally sold it but it was not without significant setbacks. We replaced the deck which was in disrepair. We pumped the septic. We fixed a plumbing leak and found mold which was then remediated. The mold company left a mess so in the final 48 hours had them go back to the house and fix it. The bank of the new buyer made us turn over every stone to show proof the mobile home had not moved since it was delivered in 1989. We had to tie down the 36 year old trailer that had never moved and we had to remove its wheels and 5 axles.
Q4
GOOD: Stanley and I have been back at work. The grafts have healed nicely, and he’s only lost a part of his vision. He seems to be comfortable and gaining muscle back.
GOOD: Finally, after all of the headaches were resolved the sale of the house went through.
GOOD: I volunteered as silent auction coordinator for ENYDCTA for the second year. My fundraising efforts led us to break last year’s record (which was also a record year).
GOOD: My efforts in the dressage schooling show ring led to a Reserve Championship at the ENYDCTA year-end awards.
GOOD: I applied for an adult scholarship through ENYDCTA. To my surprise I was selected to receive it!
GOOD: We had a fun girls trip to Massachusetts for Equine Affaire. While we were there I found a horse trailer I really like and it came with a special show price. The salesman honored this price a few weeks later when I decided to purchase the trailer. His name was Mike, just like my dad.
BAD: In purchasing the trailer, I had to send the company a certified check. I got the check and sent it via USPS Certified Letter. The clerk at the desk put an entirely different address and the letter got lost for weeks in the system.
GOOD: In the 11th hour the post office supervisor and the people at the bank were able to rally together for me to stop the original check and reissue a new one so I could pick up the trailer on time.
Amazingly I managed to smile between the tears.
Laugh between the panic attacks.
Find joy when I feel like hope is lost.
It would be incredibly easy to write 2025 as a complete loss, the magnitude and weight of the trauma I’ve been through this year almost broke me entirely. Yet when I look back and reflect I realize I was discounting all of the good things in my life that I had to keep me going. This article is in fact an exercise to show myself how much I have to be thankful for.
Practice gratitude everyday. Embrace the opportunity to move forward even if you don’t want to. Don’t forget to stop and just breathe.
I could use this reminder myself a little more often.
As we bid adieu to 2025 I am breathing and my eyes are open to once again look for the good in every day. Happy New Year to you friends and I will see you in 2026.
The Green Horseman 
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