The Green Horseman

Although I always say I plan to take it slow I can surprise myself with just how much slower I need to go.

Maybe it’s an undiagnosed ADHD.

Or the hyper-focus on high performance.

Or the New Yorker.

I’m guilty of taking on a lot…so I am always mindful of being efficient. I don’t rush but sometimes maybe slower if ok…

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I live in a world of contradiction. I always feel like I am BEHIND on my goals. Like I can’t catch a break and I can’t get to that next level.

And yet the world around me an many other areas are DREADULLY slow.

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I don’t typically fall victim to the comparison game. I have always been content to walk to the beat of my own drum. But it’s human to wonder if you’re making any progress in your goals. It’s human to think you’re stuck in a never-ending circle. It’s human to feel that every setback or obstacle is yet another reason you’ll never reach your goals.

The reality is I am an adult amateur. I have goals but they are not to get to the top level of the sport. All the same I still have goals.

I also have values. The values HAVE TO BE in alignment with my goals.

Sometimes there is NO WAY to make everything happen. Life isn’t always fair.

Man do I feel that right now.

For years I’ve been chasing a dream. For years I’ve been facing setback after setback. I fear I will be too old and broken by the time I get there…in fact I’m already starting to find new fears and reasons to sit out of the game. To question if this is REALLY what I want or if this is what my 2 years ago self wanted?

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That said…

TAKE PHOTOS ALONG THE WAY.

I tend to throw away all the not so great photos, don’t do that. Keep them all.

Use them to remind yourself of where you came from. All of the below photos were taken in our first 6 months together. They are our very BEST moments taken during our rides.

Despite all of my insecurities Stanley and I have been turning the corner on a whole new page in our lives. He’s beginning to truly understand connection. He’s engaging more. He’s becoming more consistently on the contact. He’s more professional and focused. He’s more balanced in his body and he’s been carrying himself better than ever.

I have made myself a training level horse.

Would my trainer made him a training level horse sooner? You bet she would have. But I see the difference in this horse over a span of a couple years…and I remember the setbacks we have had…and I remember….I DID THAT. I am Stanley’s only rider. I have shaped, guided, and trained this horse. I have helped him find a more balanced, a more physically and mentally sound riding partner. I have had the help of a couple fantastic trainers but it was my own butt in the saddle.

After the years we have put in I am feeling proud of our progress….however slow it has been. I am grateful for it. I am excited for what’s next. I am inspired about what is possible.

Through every setback I have been able to reconnect with this horse and little by little we shape each-other into a better partnership. Little by little the communication between us…between two entirely different species…becomes a language of our own.

And now I remember why I love this sport so much.

The below photos were taken within the past month. They are still some of our better moments yet this time there were several frames to choose from thanks to more consistent contact and connection.